To control or be controlled, that is the question.

 

To control or be controlled, that is the question.

I used to feel like I was being controlled by an external force that really wanted me to suffer.  Upon reflection I see how imprisoned I was by my own lack of awareness.  My primitive brain was calling all the shots and saw danger everywhere. This led to chronic and severe anxiety which crippled many aspects of my life. I lived as a slave to my own paranoid and deeply fearful self.  You see I did not realise that I had a choice.

I will never forget the day I awakened to the realisation that “I was not my thoughts”.  This became the first day of the rest of my life.  It changed everything.  It led to many questions.  Who was I then?  What are these thoughts and where are they coming from? What if I could then change them? So, I did! 

What happened next is quite incredible.  I challenged these negative thoughts, I adopted a more positive mindset, even though I did not always believe it at the start.  It was like a game.  I noticed that as I changed my thoughts, my emotions would also change and as a result I could be and do things I would only have dreamt of prior.  This was powerful.

It took a while and slowly but surely the anxious force softened and became quieter.  It no longer dominated the show.  I became stronger than that pesky voice.  Now I do not seem to worry about things especially things that I cannot control. My mind is at ease.  It is such a freedom and one I wish for everyone.

Now I recognise how debilitating and unhelpful automatic patterns of thought and behaviour can develop so easily.  This way of being can be simply something we accept as “just who we are”.  I thought it was just who and how I was.  I was wrong.  Your brain can change, you can change. 

It is our habits that define what we become. Assess your daily habits and routines.  Become aware of your thought patterns and behaviours.  If there is something you are not quite happy about, change it. One step at a time. Sometimes we all fall off the wagon but just pick yourself up and put one foot in front of the other. 

Mindfulness is about being aware.  It is only when we become aware that we can make changes and adapt to a happier and healthier way of being.  Its never too late to find your Inner Happy.

 

 

Kindness

So we know that kindness makes us happy and happiness makes us kind.  There is actually a chemical reaction in our brain when we are kind. Feel good hormones seratonin, oxytocin and endorphins are released in the brain when we are kind.  It has a positive effect on the recipient and witnesses to the act of kindness. It is also contagious.  This is incredible news and holds great potential for positive social change.  

This month a school in Cork, Ireland replaced homework with performing random acts of kindness for the entire month.  What an incredible initiative.  Doing this with intention for one month will undoubtedly have a great impact on the students and the many recipients of their kindness. As we become what we think, feel and do this "kindness drive" will produce a happy, pro social and uplifted community.  As the children experience the personal and social benefits they will undoubtedly wish to continue to ride the kindness wave more often.  

Kindness shifts the heart and mind and positively impacts our wellbeing and that of others.  They say the best things in life are free and kindness certainly ticks that box.  

So, let's give our wellbeing a boost and focus on kindness.

Mindful Talking & Listening

Be mindful, this is a very well used statement now and I have seen it used on the news stations and other media platforms however I feel that the presenters do not really know what it means to be mindful.

Let me explain, to be mindful, means to be aware. To be aware of how you are talking, what you are talking about, the impact it will have on others and on you, not only that but also taking into consideration kindness, compassion, empathy and love. This is a very big challenge in these times of judgement, both self-judgement and judgement of others. We are surrounded by negativity in all areas of our life and especially from the social media and news platforms.

 I was reading an article only the other day on a social media platform and one of the comments said “Is there any good news stories at all” and this so true. Wherever we look we are surrounded with bad news. So is that being mindful!!!!! I think not. The negative impact of these stories is extremely harmful to us mentally without our awareness. We need the knowledge we need about our brains, how the brain works and how we can process the negativity in a more beneficial manner for ourselves. (this area is worth a different blog).

So how can we be mindful when talking and listening? Here are just a few tips.

1.      Be aware that we all talk to ourselves in our head and often we are not paying attention to this inner self talk.  Become aware of it. Be aware of what you are saying to yourself. Be kind to yourself when you are doing this.

2.      Then when we are talking to others, is what you are saying helpful, supportive or dismissive? Again be aware of what you are saying and what is it you want to say. How you can say it with more understanding and compassion?

3.      Slow down, and be present in the conversation

4.      Be accepting and non-judgemental

5.      When you are listening, really listen, our minds have a habit of preparing our replies before the person we are talking to is even finished what they are saying therefore we do not really hear what they are saying.

6.      Let the person talk, and when your mind distracts to what you are going to say or making a judgement or distracts you acknowledge that and bring you attention back to the conversation.  You may even tell the person that you missed what they said and could they repeat it for you to process.

7.      You can also say to the person something like, What I heard you say was ….. or I’m hearing that you mean ….. and so on just to confirm what they have being saying to you.

8.      Practice mindful listening and talking and be kind to yourself when you get distracted it happens to us all J

You may say, what about when I get angry or frustrated ? Which we all do at times, again this is a human response to different situations and they happen instantly.  Again it’s to do with our brain and habitual responses.

We can manage these instant responses by being more aware of when and how we have them. This is being mindful of you, understanding yourself more and more.

Why not give it a try and remember this is not a quick fix or magic bullet this all takes practice, practice, practice. You may surprise yourself of the benefits you get by being more mindful J

Please do check us out on Facebook “Mindfulness Schools Ireland” or on our website www.mindfulnessschoolsireland.com 

We also have our new YouTube channel  >>>>> (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCATR1pk6KfSXzvRj6T854Gg)

Where we continually upload more videos with tips and tools and practices to try out for yourself do check it out.

Mindful Listening

No matter how hard I try to remember someones name when introduced I forget it within moments. It's so frustrating. I am listening. I am focusing and trying to remember but I think I'm so focused on what they are saying after name dropping that their name flies out the window, gone.  I try to associate the name to someone or something I know but that's not foolproof either.  Maybe it's just age and we should all wear name badges.  People would probably be friendlier and there would be more connection if our faces had names!

.

Or remember the time (I can say that because I know I'm probably not alone here) you sat in a meeting or lecture and there seems to be a few minute gap where you have no clue what was said? We have limitations as humans and our attention span certainly is one of those. In fact it's getting worse.  Everything now is immediate and fast paced. No time to ponder, dwell or reflect.  I don't see this as progress exactly.

 However we can train our brains to improve this skill.  Our brains are not "fixed" like once thought.  Neuroplasticity enables us to grow our brains in whichever direction we choose and make certain neural pathways stronger.  There is hope for us all!

There is so much misunderstanding and conflict due to mindless listening.  We hear what we want to hear. We automatically put our own spin on conversations based on our experiences and perceptions.

That's the thing "automatic behaviour." The practice of mindfulness highlights this automatic learned behaviour enabling us to change our ways.  

Imagine a world of mindful listeners. It would be a more peaceful and harmonious world for sure. So where should this mindful listening revolution begin? With me and with you.

Sue

Mindful use of Time 

There are 1,440 minutes in each day. On average we spend between 360 – 480 minutes of that time sleeping or perhaps, should I say that we would benefit from getting that amount of sleep each night. That leaves approximately let’s say about 1,000 minutes for the rest of what we need to do for our life’s requirements.

There can be a sense or thought of “I never have time” or “There’s not enough time in the day” you know the feeling. I’m sure you have been here with me at times and then what about the “Where did the time go” or “ I can’t believe it’s been a year already.”

“Time’s flying” yes you can resonate with me, can’t you !!.  Have you ever thought of it like this, every day you have the same amount of time, you cannot add in more time, you can’t take away any time and a sure fact - you can’t carry it over to the next day as it’s already gone, yet how much of that time do you just aimlessly waste away on non-beneficial things like social media (Facebook, Instagram, Snap Chat or whatever the new social media trend is), overthinking, staying in bed late, gossiping, frustrated, angry and so on.

Now before you go “Here we go another Tech free warrior spouting on!” I am by no means saying that technology and social media are not beneficial, sure this is probably where you are reading this blog from right now on some platform. What I am saying is, it does have a place most definitely and it is an amazing tool, however, it does have its drawbacks. It can have a sort of habitual pull for us where it becomes the first thing we turn to instead of just doing nothing. 

Doing nothing you say? Well, that’s not productive or beneficial you may say, doing nothing is a waste of time or boring!

And then you have all the other things you have to do, you work or have children to organise, feed, etc or housework and all those day to day things that need your attention too.  Sure it’s no wonder you have no time!

My point is this, if time was money and you had to spend it all each day because you couldn’t carry it over, I’m sure you’d find a way to spend it wisely so why not also use some of your time wisely for your own benefit. 

You see the other thing is that our minds are overactive all day with the many thoughts, deliberations and dilemmas that the mind it comes up with.

If we use our understanding of mindfulness and meditation and various different techniques we can actually reduce these and become more productive and the use of our time could be more beneficial and useful. Less overthinking, less stress, less anxiousness, which are all of benefit to ourselves.

How do we do it ?

It all begins with awareness and attention and you will be sick of hearing this over and over again. That is what being mindful is, “Being Aware” simple yet hard at first, but with practice, it gets easier.

Wherever your attention is will determine how you act or feel or both.

Tips

 Plan (Plan your day/week allowing time for you, including quiet time, meditation or chill out time)

      Begin with your attention. (What are you focusing on?)

    List your priorities (What needs to be done today or now. Where do I need to focus my attention first? What do I need to say no to?)

     Take one task at a time and complete it fully, 100% and then move onto the next task

      Stop Multitasking. It is not beneficial or productive.

Check us out on facebook “Mindfulness Schools Ireland” or on our website www.mindfulnessschoolsireland.com

Some links below you may find interesting

https://www.verywellmind.com/multitasking-2795003

https://www.apa.org/research/action/multitask

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1053810013000792

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/03/100319210631.htm

Saying No to unhelpful habits

New Year's Resolutions are great. They give us hope, make us feel alive, energised and happy.  Do we generally feel like this by March?

As creatures of habit, we easily fall into living on autopilot and enthusiasm for our best-laid plans wanes.

So where does it all go wrong? 

Creating healthy habits or new goals need to be realistic and achievable.

Making ourselves accountable to others make goals/habits easier to achieve.

Write down your goal/new healthy habits on paper. Now it becomes more than just an idea.

Create an action plan on how to execute your goal/habit.

Evaluate progress often and celebrate small successes

Mindfulness shines a light of awareness on every aspect of our lives enabling us to be more present in all that we do.  This means we are less likely to fall into autopilot and are more inclined to stay on track with our goals, healthy habits and plans. 

When fully present or mindful we tend to be more focused and gain greater clarity.  These aid us in remaining on track in our pursuit of health and happiness.

What unhelpful habits would you like to challenge to boost your wellbeing?

It can be hard to be grateful

So, science says being grateful has mental health and wellbeing benefits!! Hhmm, but what about if you can’t be grateful, what if you are so down that you just can’t feel grateful for anything?

We are told that

●        Gratitude opens the door to healthier relationships.

●        Gratitude improves physical health.

●        Gratitude improves psychological health.

●        Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggression.

●        Grateful people sleep better.

●        Gratitude improves self-esteem.

●        Gratitude increases mental strength.

And much more too.

So how can we get to a place that allows us to feel grateful? Well, there are a few things we need to understand first.

·         The mind has a lot to do with how you feel

·         Thoughts constantly intrude and affect our mentality

·         Life is not all sunshine and rose even for those who can feel gratitude

·         You don’t have to have the perfect life to feel grateful

·         Money won’t buy you gratitude

·         We live in a world where we are surrounded by negativity

·         We are habitual beings

·         Our self-talk influences how we think and this effects how we feel

·         It takes work

·         You can change how you feel

As you can see, there is a quiet lot to understand with much more that we haven’t mentioned just yet.  As this is a short article, we won’t get too deep into any one of them, but I’m sure we will cover them in depth in future articles.

The first step is understanding how your mind works. Beginning with the fight/flight response. This is where a part of our brain takes over in times of threat. It controls our instant reaction to different situations, like conflict and safety. However, unfortunately when we instantly react, we do so with little or no awareness, hence the instant reaction. Based on our reactions, we then think and feel certain ways, usually negative.

So, what can we do?

 Well, an easy way to begin is to develop awareness, self-awareness. One of the most effective ways to do this is to understand and use mindfulness.  Mindfulness and mindful techniques usually will begin with breathing.  The reason it begins there is because breathing is something we all do all the time and it is a process that we can actually take control of. Like taking deep breaths, extending and expanding of belly/diaphragm to take real deep breaths. Then continuing to breathe more deeply than we usually do, filling up our lungs and oxygenating or body fully, which helps with natural bodily functions like blood flow etc.

Whilst you are breathing you then bring your focus/awareness to the actual function of breathing and how the air moves in and out of your body and so on. Once you begin to focus on the breath you will probably find that your mind begins to quieten down somewhat. It’s not that you don’t have thoughts, but you have less focus on the thoughts and this allows a sort of calmness to begin for you. 

It is with a calmer mind and less focus on thoughts that you can inquire to what am I grateful for right now, in that moment. You see when we can calm down our mind, when we can focus less on the intrusive thoughts it is then that we become fully aware and can process things more clearly, with more clarity. 

The business of our minds distracts us form this and engulfs us with all the trials and tribulations we face with no calmness, no clarity, no focus and hence the challenge we then face to have to try to even find something that makes us feel ok never mind grateful. 

Why not try it out for yourself and remember, don’t give up after the first try. Expand your mind and the understanding of your mind. The how’s and why’s of our minds. What they do. How we are affected by our thoughts and our mind and how it’s possible to overcome it and gain control. 

Thus, enabling you to move forward to a more beneficial way of living. 

You just never know perhaps you too may discover

the benefits of it ☺

James

Resources:

https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier

https://www.happierhuman.com/the-science-of-gratitude/

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/is_gratitude_good_for_your_health